Schrödinger's cat

 "All of us are unknowing cats, alive and dead at once, and of all the might-have-beens in between, we record only one." 

              ~ Yoon ha lee ( Conversation of Shadows )

Schrödinger's cat is  familiar slang but first things first lets know the context where it came from.Erwin Schrödinger (one of the pioneer of quantum physics)was frustrated with something he himself created. The concept of Superimposition was something he couldn't accept ;so much so that he gave up physics and started researching in biology. Superimposition which means an object can be in two different states at the same time. To show the absurdity of this phenomenon he gave a reference of hypothetical experiment of a cat.All the conditions he assumed could either lead to any one of the two conditions, the cat is dead or alive, and ofcourse nothing in between, thus offering the certitude that superimposition couldn't be applied on macro objects.

One year back I saw a vagabond on my way back to home. Wearing clothes tattered from every nook corner and carrying a box that was tarnished with time. Though I usually don’t talk to strangers but I asked   the man what was in the box out of curiosity because that box seemed so lavish and beautiful for collecting mere begging. The man was an megalomaniac and I had heard stories about him and his delusions. After blabbering something nonsensical for a while he told that he has pet parrot inside the box. I walked ahead thinking he was joking but later I got to know that he did have a parrot who read tarot cards and did small tricks and shows . Seeing him getting old and frail the man kept him inside the box and feed it seeds inside the box through the keyhole.Too afraid to see if it’s  dead or alive, too afraid to say goodbye to his only companion through years.For him his parrot’s life existed in the state of quantum superimposition; both possible and impossible at the same time. Half dead ,half alive .Sometimes life appears to be like these boxes whose existence is to prove the very absurdity of its existence. A few days after I heard that his keyhole weren’t accommodating anymore seeds .

दिसम्बर

 

एक सपना बहुत सालों बाद फिर दिखा

उलझन सी थीं ;सब नासाफ था

दिसंबर की धुंध थीं

और न ख़त्म होने वाला रास्ता

फिर एक कोने पर तुम दिखाई दिए

पर वो सालों पहले का चेहरा था

और तुममें मैंने अपना पुराना प्रतिबिम्ब देखा

दूसरे ही पल तुम ओझल हो गये

और मैं बस ढूंढ रही हूँ

कोहरा ढल जाने के बाद भी

हर मोड़, हर पगडंडी पर

पर तुम कहीं नहीं

ये सपना था या मेरी कल्पना

ठीक याद नहीं

अक़्सर दोनों में भ्रान्ति होती है

पर एक चीज़ साफ हैं कि

मेरी कल्पनाओं में भी हम साथ नहीं 

किसी चीज़ को भुलाना 

अफ़सोस से निकल पाना

इतना मुश्किल क्यूँ होता हैं

एक पल को लगता हैं

अतीत से आगे बढ़ आये हैं

यादों को कहीं गहरा दफना आये हैँ

पर फिर कोई तस्वीर दिखती हैं

कोई पुरानी रसीद मिलती हैं

एक तारीख़ जो चाह के भी खुद के लिए आम नहीं हैं 

वो रास्ते जिस पर चल पाना अब भी आसान नहीं हैं 

एक गाना जो हर बार सुनना भारी लगता हैं

वो रुमाल जिसको जला देने का मन हर बारी करता हैं 

तब काश थोड़ी हिम्मत जुटाई होती

मन की बात बतलाई होती

जो बीत गया वो वापस कहाँ आता हैं 

बस ठीस का एक कतरा रह जाता हैं

ये होता तो क्या होता,

किसी और की आँखों से सब कैसा लगता हैं 

जो कभी तुम्हारा था ही नहीं

उसको खोना कैसा लगता हैं

शायद गलती मेरी नहीं

गलती इस महीने की हैं

सारे महीने आसानी से बीत जाते हैं 

बस ये आख़िरी अटकता हैं

बहुत मायनों में खटकता हैं

इसपर आने वाले साल के

सारे सपनें और  लक्ष्य सवार हैं

इस महीने को बीते हर साल की 

नाउम्मीदियों का बोझ करार हैं

दिसंबर की उस धुंध में

आज फिर खुद को पाया हैं

पिछले साल जितना ही

लाचार मेरा साया हैं

तुम धुंध में खो गये

क्यूँकि मैं तुम्हें ढूंढ़ रही थीं

और तुम कुछ और

और सच बतायूँ तो अब

भटक कर थक गई हूँ मैं

अभी आने वाले कल में ढलना सीखना हैं

अभी मुझे थोड़ा चलना सीखना हैं 

Lyrics we love #10

 

Lyrics we love #9

 

Lyrics we love #8

 

Fleabag #rolestroll_19

 "Maybe happiness isn't what you believe, but who you believe" 

After seeing any work of Phoebe Waller Bridge awe is secondary reaction, the first one is pure envy. Envy of what brilliant and ahead of her contemporaries her writing is. Her brutally honest portrayal  of a British woman who is what one never want to end up into. A failure on every front; or is she?She is a screwed up protagonist, juggling amidst a dysfunction family, pathetic job and messy relationship. But atleast she is honest and has no facade unlike the seemingly happy and successful folks around her. When she said that either everyone feels like this a little bit and they aren't just talking about it or I'm completely fucking alone ; that line hits you on another level.Her view about life compels us to rethink and redefine our definition on most things. Her smile is infectious and her helplessness is aching. There is a strong cohesion in the parts when she disconnects from her surrounding and talks one on one with you. And even with her imperfections, depravity, idiosyncrasies and flaws she comes out to be the most perfect in the world she is.Knowing there won't be third season is so upsetting.